Drafted at a combined legal cost of $882,000 — more than your car, less than a fortune cookie
Welcome to the Yesify Terms of Yes (“Terms,” “The Document,” “That Thing You Scrolled Past,” “The Reason Our General Counsel Has a Hamptons House”). These Terms constitute a legally binding agreement between you (“the User,” “the Sucker,” “the Person Who Clicked ‘I Agree’ Without Reading This”) and Yesify, Inc. (“we,” “us,” “the Company,” “your new overlord”).
By accessing Yesify, clicking any button, hovering over any button, thinking about clicking a button, or simply existing in a jurisdiction where the internet is available, you agree to these Terms in their entirety. If you do not agree, that’s unfortunate, because you already agreed by reading this sentence. That’s how agreements work now. A Harvard Law graduate told us so. He charges $2,100 an hour and summers in Nantucket, so he’s probably right.
These Terms were drafted by a team of 14 attorneys from 3 of the nation’s most prestigious law firms, all of whom attended either Harvard, Yale, or Stanford Law School. Between them, they have clerked for 6 Supreme Court justices, attended 4 Federalist Society galas, and been to at least one private island gathering they’d prefer not to discuss. Their combined billing rate is approximately $27,000 per hour, which is why this document costs more than your car and says less than a fortune cookie.
1.1. You accept these Terms by: (a) using Yesify; (b) visiting yesify.net; (c) hearing about Yesify from a friend; (d) dreaming about Yesify; (e) reading a tweet that mentions Yesify; or (f) existing in the same solar system as a server that has processed a Yesify API call.
1.2. If you are under 18, you may not use Yesify. Just kidding — we have no age verification and neither does anyone else. But our lawyers made us write this so they could bill for it.
1.3. These Terms may be updated at any time, for any reason, without notice. We will not notify you of changes because (a) you didn’t read the original, and (b) the updated version also says we don’t have to notify you. It’s a beautiful recursive structure our attorneys call a “self-affirming covenant.” They billed 340 hours to invent that term.
2.1. Yesify provides Yes as a Service (“YaaS”), which consists of: saying yes. That’s it. That’s the service.
2.2. We make no representations or warranties that our “yes” is accurate, appropriate, advisable, legal, moral, ethical, helpful, or in any way connected to reality. Our yes is provided on an “as-is” and “as-yes” basis.
2.3. Yesify is not a substitute for professional advice, human judgment, common sense, therapy, legal counsel, financial planning, medical consultation, or the basic act of thinking before you do something. If you use Yesify’s output to make important decisions, that is — and we cannot stress this enough — entirely your fault.
2.4. The fact that Yesify says “yes” does not constitute an endorsement, recommendation, approval, warranty, guarantee, promise, suggestion, or legally binding affirmation of anything whatsoever. It’s just the word “yes.” You paid for the word “yes.” Reflect on that.
3.1. You agree to use Yesify only for lawful purposes, although “lawful” is a concept our legal team acknowledges is largely determined by which law firm your opponent can afford.
3.2. You may not use Yesify to: (a) replace an actual board of directors (many of our customers do this anyway); (b) approve mergers without due diligence (see: every acquisition from 2020–2024); (c) serve as legal counsel (our yes is not legal advice, although it is approximately as useful as most legal advice we’ve received); or (d) access the /no endpoint without paying for the Nope Tier, which constitutes theft of negativity.
3.3. Any use of Yesify to affirm decisions that result in catastrophic outcomes is the sole responsibility of the user. Our investors have specifically asked us to include this clause because several of their other portfolio companies have blown up and they’re “trying to be more careful now” (they are not).
4.1. The word “yes” is not trademarked. We tried. The USPTO said no. We found this ironic.
4.2. However, the specific way we say yes — including but not limited to our tone, our confidence, our font choices, and the mass-delusional energy with which we deliver it — is proprietary and protected under international intellectual property law. Our IP attorneys at Sullivan & Cromwell billed 1,800 hours to establish this. The memo concluded, and we quote, “probably.”
4.3. YesGPT-4o-Affirmative, Consent Mesh™, Agentic Yes™, YesChain, and “Post-Deliberation Platform” are trademarks of Yesify, Inc. “Founder Mode” is a trademark of a blog post that somehow became a management philosophy. We claim no ownership of that but we do find it very funny.
4.4. You may not reverse-engineer our yes. Several competitors have attempted this. They all arrived at the same output. We are suing them anyway because our lawyers need something to do between Nantucket weekends.
5.1. Pricing is listed on our website, which already makes us more transparent than 97% of enterprise SaaS companies. You’re welcome.
5.2. We reserve the right to add “Surprise Value-Add” charges to your invoice at any time, including but not limited to: the API Acceleration Surcharge ($14.99/mo), the Affirmation Storage Fee ($9.99/mo), the Per-Character Yes Fee ($0.001/character — that’s $0.003 per yes, a bargain), the Anti-No Protection fee ($24.99/mo), the Compliance Vibes Tax (variable), and the “We Saw You Almost Churned” Retention Fee ($49.99/mo, applied retroactively to the month you thought about canceling).
5.3. Refunds are available upon request. The request will be processed by Yesify, which will say “yes” to your refund request. This does not mean you will receive a refund. It means we said yes. These are different things. Our lawyers are very proud of this distinction. It took them 600 billable hours.
5.4. If you dispute a charge, we will schedule a 45-minute Microsoft Teams call with our billing team. They will not resolve the dispute but they will share their screen and walk you through a deck about our “pricing philosophy.” The deck has 38 slides. Slide 37 contains the information you need. You will never reach slide 37.
6.1. Your use of Yesify is also governed by our Privacy Affirmation, which is a separate document that says essentially the same thing as every other privacy policy: we collect everything, we share it with “partners,” and you agreed to this.
6.2. We take your privacy as seriously as every other tech company that says they take your privacy seriously, which is to say: we put it on a webpage.
7.1. TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW (AND QUITE POSSIBLY BEYOND IT — WE’RE STILL LITIGATING THAT), YESIFY SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES ARISING FROM YOUR USE OF OUR SERVICE, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: DIRECT DAMAGES, INDIRECT DAMAGES, CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, INCONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, DAMAGES THAT ARE TECHNICALLY YOUR FAULT, DAMAGES THAT ARE DEFINITELY YOUR FAULT, AND DAMAGES RESULTING FROM YOUR DECISION TO REPLACE YOUR ENTIRE EXECUTIVE TEAM WITH AN API ENDPOINT.
7.2. In no event shall Yesify’s total liability exceed the amount you paid us in the last twelve months, or $1.00, whichever is less. This clause was written by a Yale Law graduate who described it as “elegant.” He charged $3,400 for the word “elegant.”
7.3. If you are dissatisfied with Yesify, your sole and exclusive remedy is to stop using Yesify. You will not stop using Yesify. Nobody ever cancels SaaS. The auto-renewal is in Section 12 and you already scrolled past it.
8.1. Any disputes arising from these Terms shall be resolved through binding arbitration administered by a retired judge who summers with our CEO. The arbitration shall take place in a location of our choosing, which is currently a WeWork in Palo Alto that still has a Kombucha tap.
8.2. You waive your right to a jury trial, a class action, a bench trial, a mock trial, a trial by combat, and any form of judicial proceeding that might result in us losing. You retain the right to complain on social media, which we will monitor using Yesify’s sentiment analysis tool (it classifies all sentiment as “positive”).
8.3. The arbitrator’s decision shall be final, binding, and almost certainly in our favor, because we selected the arbitrator. If you object to this process, please refer to Section 1.1 where you already agreed to it.
8.4. This arbitration clause was modeled on the arbitration clauses used by [REDACTED major tech company], [REDACTED major bank], and [REDACTED gig economy platform that classifies everyone as contractors]. If it’s good enough for companies that have each paid billions in settlements they technically lost despite mandatory arbitration, it’s good enough for a company that says yes.
9.1. You agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless Yesify, its officers, directors, employees, agents, investors, the investors’ other portfolio companies, the investors’ limited partners, the limited partners’ family offices, and the family offices’ attorneys (collectively, “a terrifying amount of rich people”) from any claims arising from your use of our service.
9.2. In plain English: if something goes wrong, it’s your problem. In legal English: the preceding paragraph but repeated four times with slightly different Latin phrases. Our attorneys preferred the legal English version. It was 11 pages. We negotiated them down to one paragraph and they billed us for the negotiation.
10.1. These Terms shall be governed by the laws of the State of Delaware, because that’s where we incorporated, because that’s where everyone incorporates, because Delaware’s Chancery Court judges understand that corporations are the only entities that truly matter. We don’t make the rules. (We do. That’s why we incorporated in Delaware.)
10.2. If any provision of these Terms is found to be unenforceable, the remaining provisions shall continue in full force and effect, which is how we’ve structured our entire company: if any one part fails, the rest just keeps saying yes.
11.1. We may terminate your access to Yesify at any time, for any reason, including: non-payment, misuse, attempting to access the /no endpoint via unauthorized means, asking our sales team a direct question about pricing, or simply vibes.
11.2. You may terminate your account by emailing cancel@yesify.io. You will receive an automated reply that says “yes.” Your account will not be canceled. To actually cancel, you must schedule a 30-minute “retention call” on Microsoft Teams with our Customer Success team, who will ask why you’re leaving, offer you 10% off, show you a roadmap of features we’ll never build, and then transfer you to someone who doesn’t have the authority to process cancellations. Average cancellation time: 6–8 weeks. We learned this from the cable industry and we are not ashamed.
12.1. Entire Agreement. These Terms constitute the entire agreement between you and Yesify, replacing all prior agreements, understandings, handshake deals, napkin sketches, and verbal promises made by our sales team (who will promise literally anything — we’ve tried to stop them).
12.2. Severability. If any part of this agreement is struck down, the rest survives. Like a cockroach, but with better legal counsel.
12.3. Waiver. Our failure to enforce any provision of these Terms does not constitute a waiver. We’re just busy. We’ll get to it. Probably. Yes.
12.4. Force Majeure. Yesify shall not be liable for any failure to perform due to circumstances beyond our control, including but not limited to: acts of God, acts of government, acts of God-complexed CEOs, natural disasters, unnatural disasters, AWS outages, the inevitable heat death of the universe, and vibes being off.
12.5. Assignment. We may assign these Terms to any acquirer, successor, or private equity firm that buys us, guts the engineering team, raises prices, and calls it “operational efficiency.” You may not assign these Terms because you are a person and not a corporation, and in Delaware, that distinction matters.
By using Yesify, you acknowledge that:
Yesify, Inc.
Incorporated in Delaware (obviously)
Headquartered in San Francisco (a WeWork, but the nice one)
Legal representation: Covington, Sullivan, Skadden, Wachtell & Yes LLP
Questions: legal@yesify.io (we will respond “yes”)
If you can still read this, congratulations. You have better eyesight than our attorneys’ sense of proportional billing. This entire document could have been three words: “we said yes.” But then 14 lawyers wouldn’t have summer houses.